As Christmas quickly approaches, it will be a time of joy, but it can also be a time of friction and conflict in our relationships. There are so many hopes, expectations and fantasies we harbor around our version of Christmas – we want it to look like it does in the movies, with beautiful big red ribbons adorning gifts, families gathered together having a wonderful time, the image of bliss. But the reality is often a mixed bag, because everyone has their own version of what it ‘should’ look like.
Dealing with conflict can be challenging at the best of times, but when everyone comes together at Christmas it can be particularly difficult. So this year – to help you get through this time – I’ve put together a list of how we can empower ourselves through our emotions – with essential oils.
What emotions can arise during conflicts?
There is an essential oil for every emotion, so it is first useful to identify the emotions that can arise during times of conflict in relationships. Of course, this could be any emotion – and I want to emphasize that whatever you feel in conflict is valid.
It can be so tempting to think that one person has to be ‘right’ and one person has to be ‘wrong’ – because that’s how we’ve been conditioned – but the reality is that both people in a conflict can be right – for them. This means that whatever emotions arise for you during relationship conflict this season, your feelings are valid. Just knowing about it can help.
Examples of emotions that may surface include anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, anxiety, fear, overwhelm, irritation, guilt, shame, and even complete emotional shutdown.
What we each feel will vary depending on who we are and what happened. But it is helpful to recognize that when there is conflict in our relationships, we may grieve the loss of the Christmas fantasy, we may feel lonely, we may feel anxious, angry, or guilty. There is a broad spectrum of what awaits us – and we are all unique.
Whatever we feel is all welcome. So how do we navigate it?
Navigating conflict
The first thing I would recommend when navigating conflict is to pause and create some space between us and the person we are in conflict with. That means literally removing ourselves from the conversation or environment (if we can) to get a little space.
The second thing I would invite is to create a kind of self-care ritual – where our essential oils can come into play and provide us with powerful medicine. We can use the space to start nurturing our own emotions and nervous systems – and to tune into our own emotions and see what we need to regain balance and harmony within ourselves.
Here’s a ritual to help you tune into what you need:
- Create some space for yourself – this could be by taking a walk, taking a bath or sitting in a quiet room.
- Take a moment to connect and feel in your body – what are you feeling? Can you name the sensations that come to you?
- Now spend a moment feeling through your emotions, and perhaps journal about them. Can you access it? If not, you may be emotionally disconnected. Get started with that below. If you have access to them, can you name them? Let’s get started with whatever emotion you’re feeling below.
Essential oils for healing emotions arising from conflict
So, which essential oils can support? Here is a list of oils that can support each of the emotions we have highlighted that can occur in conflict:
- Fury – Ylang Ylang has a rich, sweet, exotic floral aroma that helps soothe the heat of anger and emotional reactivity. Its calming, balancing nature supports you to release tension and return to a sense of inner stability.
- Frustration – Geranium offers a fresh, floral scent that naturally brings emotional balance. It’s great for reducing frustration, irritability, and tension when everything feels “too much” or isn’t going according to plan.
- Resentment – Roman Chamomile is a gentle, fruity and herbaceous oil – perfect for resentment, which often masks unspoken pain. Its calming nature helps calm the emotional body and relieve long-term tension.
- Sadness – with a bright, cheerful and uplifting aroma, Sweet Orange gently warms the emotional landscape. It brings lightness when sadness dulls your inner glow, offering a gentle, comforting lift.
- Mourning – deep, soft and heart-opening. Rose oil is one of the most supportive essential oils for grief. The soulful floral aroma provides comfort and helps you move through waves of feeling with gentleness.
- Disappointment – warm, resinous and meditative, Frankincense helps you reconnect with inner stability when disappointment shakes you. It brings grounding and perspective, allowing you to come back to yourself.
- Loneliness – Rich, warm and enveloping. Jasmine oil supports feelings of isolation by nourishing the emotional heart. It gives a feeling of closeness and connection when loneliness increases.
- Fear – earthy, smoky and deeply grounding, Vetiver is excellent for anxiety. It helps anchor the body, slow breathing and restore a sense of emotional security.
- Tension – a beautifully floral citrus oil, Bergamot is the perfect aroma to help you navigate and heal anxious moments, dispelling anxiety and uplifting yet calming.
- Overwhelm – warm, woody and firming: cedarwood oil helps organize dispersed emotional energy. It provides grounding support when you feel overstimulated or overloaded.
- Irritation – Fresh, green and slightly woody: Petitgrain helps soothe irritability and mental unrest. The clean aroma removes emotional static before it builds up.
- Debt – Soft, honeyed and deeply comforting: Neroli supports emotional healing when feelings of guilt weigh heavy. It invites compassion and gentleness towards yourself.
- Shame – deep, earthy and grounding, Patchouli helps bring you back into the body when shame causes contraction. It promotes acceptance, stability and emotional anchoring.
- Emotional closure – clean, evergreen and stabilizing, Cypress stimulates emotional flow when you are frozen. It helps you reconnect with the feeling and return from a standstill to a soft feeling.
How to work with these oils in moments of conflict
Once you have identified what you are feeling, I invite you to choose three oils that speak to you most. The next step is to work with them deliberately.
Essential oils are powerful emotional allies, but they work best when we consciously invite them. Below are three simple ways they can support you in navigating conflict. These blends I have shared are suggestions. Change the oils based on the emotions that have arisen for you. Think of these as invitations rather than rules.
Diffuser Blend – Journalizing through conflict
This blend is ideal for that moment when you need to step away to think, breathe, and journal. It helps you sit with your feelings, soften your heart and bring clarity.
Mixture: Mix 3 drops of Geranium, 2 drops of Frankincense and 1 drop of Sweet Orange in water in an electric diffuser or candle burner and place it in a quiet corner so you can write freely. Let the aromas hold you as you express what comes to mind through writing. Meet yourself with compassion.
Bath Blend – Deeply emotionally soothing
If you are someone who finds healing through bathing, this blend provides a deeply nourishing container to help you deal with heavy emotions. Perfect after a conflict that has stirred up sadness, disappointment or loneliness.
Mixture: Mix 3 drops of Rose, 2 drops of Roman Chamomile and 1 drop of Jasmine in 15 ml of Bath Oil before adding it to warm running water. Close all the windows, unplug the power, sink in and breathe – and imagine everything you’ve been holding on dissolving in the warmth. Let the floral oils take care of you – this is a moment to soften, to be gentle with yourself, to let go.
Inhaler Blend – Reset Loop
Sometimes the best thing we can do in a conflict is get outside and move our bodies. Fresh air and distance help our nervous systems cope with big feelings. This inhaler blend is designed to support clarity, safety, and grounding during a reset walk.
Mixture: Add 1 drop of Vetiver, 1 drop of Petitgrain and 1 drop of Bergamot on a cotton pad and roll into an Aromatherapy inhaler. Keep this with you as you walk, breathing in slowly and letting the scent remind your body that you are safe enough to keep moving forward. This is your portable ‘pause’ button – a way to calm yourself down before returning to the conversation or choosing your next step.
Whatever ritual you choose, I want you to remember that conflict does not mean there is something wrong with you; it only shows where emotional needs, boundaries, or expectations rub against each other. And while you cannot control how others behave or react, you can care for yourself, your nervous system, and your emotions with tenderness.
Essential oils offer a simple yet powerful way to support yourself in these moments – a time to breathe, soften, come back to your body and reconnect with what you’re really feeling.
There is no “right” way to use them: follow your intuition. Choose the oils you are drawn to – let them hold you as you navigate the complexities of being human, especially at a time of year that brings so much pressure, emotions and expectations.
Above all, remember that your feelings are valid, your needs matter, and you should only step back, regulate, and return when you feel ready.
I wish you a gentle, emotionally supportive holiday season!
Nicole Barton
Advisor Aromatherapist
Disclaimer and safety advice
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