How To (And Why) Have A Better Sex Life

I help couples improve their sex lives all the time as a sex coach. And one thing they are always surprised to discover is that there is more to a good sex life than sexual pleasure. In fact, sexual pleasure is the byproduct of everything else!

I’ll walk you through why sex is actually really good for you, what leads to good sex, and how to improve your sexual experiences the next time you roll around in the hay.

Why a good sex life is good for you

When we prioritize and nurture our sexual health, the ripple effects can touch many parts of our lives with that post-coital glow. Here are a few studies that revealed just how good a fulfilling sex life can be for adults:

1. Sexual health benefits

Having a good sex life can actually make you healthier: regular sexual activity has been linked to a stronger immune system. A study published in Psychological Reports found that individuals who engaged in sex once or twice a week had higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an important antibody in the immune function. Kegel exercises can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, improving sexual health and making sex more comfortable.

Not only that, but don’t forget that sex can also be a form of exercise. It increases heart rate, burns calories…

…and can improve overall cardiovascular health. According to research from the American Journal of Cardiology, regular sexual activity can lower the risk of heart disease.

2. Emotional and mental well-being

“You need to get laid!” is a common call-out used when someone is acting a little grumpy… and it turns out that science confirms this to be true! A healthy sex life contributes to emotional stability and mental clarity. The release of endorphins and oxytocin during sex can reduce stress and anxiety, enhancing mood and fostering a sense of connection with your partner.

A study in Biological Psychology reported that sexual activity and physical affection were associated with lower blood pressure and stress levels.

It’s not just stress levels and mental clarity that are affected by regular sex: sexual satisfaction is linked to higher self-esteem and a better overall outlook on life.

In fact, engaging in intimate activities can promote feelings of happiness and contentment, reducing the symptoms of depression and improving overall mental health. Maintaining physical affection, such as kissing and cuddling, is essential for nurturing an emotional and physical bond with your partner. 😯

3. Relationship satisfaction

For those in relationships, a good sex life can strengthen the bond between partners. Intimacy calls for communication, trust, and mutual respect, which are core principles of every healthy and satisfying relationship! Physical intimacy, including touching, kissing, cuddling, and sexual activities, plays a crucial role in maintaining a strong partnership.

And that extends beyond the bedroom: couples who prioritize their sexual health are more likely to navigate conflicts effectively and maintain a strong partnership. Addressing minor sexual issues through self-help strategies, such as making adjustments in lovemaking style, using lubrication, and practicing touching, can significantly improve relationship satisfaction.

Sexual intimacy also encourages emotional vulnerability and deepens the emotional connection, which is the single more important thing in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

4. Enhances sleep quality

Good sex can lead to better sleep. The release of oxytocin and prolactin during orgasm can induce relaxation and help you fall asleep faster. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that individuals who had satisfying sexual experiences reported better sleep quality and overall restfulness.

Improved sleep, in turn, has numerous health benefits, including better cognitive function, a stronger immune system, and improved mood. 

So you might say that prioritizing your sexual health can create a positive cycle of physical and mental well-being.

What makes a great sex life?

Okay so we know that good sex does good things. But what exactly makes a great sex life? Understanding one’s own sexual response is crucial for communicating preferences and enhancing sexual experiences. Turns out a great sex life is a lot less XXX-rated than you might think. It involves a lot of good communication, healthy boundaries, and emotional intimacy. But boy does it lead to the most fulfilling sex life you could ever imagine!

This is the core stuff of a great sex life with your partner:

1. Discussing preferences, fantasies, and any discomforts openly.
2. Sharing feelings, showing vulnerability, and supporting each other emotionally.
3. Valuing your partner’s comfort and well-being.
4. Engaging in shared activities, hobbies, and meaningful conversations to build intimacy.
5. Being open to trying new things and communicating about what you enjoy.
6. Managing stress, seeking therapy if needed, and addressing any mental health concerns.
7. Letting go of expectations and embracing the journey.
8. Being proactive about addressing any issues that arise and continually working to improve your connection.

Get my FREE download for tips for a fulfilling relationship 👇

Download Here

There is a lot of non-sexual stuff that goes into a good sex life. To have better sex, start there. 👆

4 Proven ways to improve sex life (while having sex)

Okay, but what about ways to improve your sex life right.this.very.minute? Using lubrication can help avoid painful sex caused by vaginal dryness, especially during hormonal changes around menopause. Here are a few ways to actively improve your sex life while having sex:

Incorporating sex toys such as vibrators, anal beads, or feathers can enhance your sexual experiences. Be creative and adventurous with the use of sex toys to rekindle the spark in your relationship.

1. Better sex through mindfulness

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment without judgment. Applying mindfulness to your sex life can enhance intimacy, increase pleasure, and deepen your connection with your partner. 

Here are some ways mindfulness can improve your sex life:

• During sex, bring your focus to the physical sensations. Pay attention to how your body feels, the touch of your partner, and the sounds and scents around you. 
• Try syncing your breath with your partner’s to create a sense of unity and intimacy. Deep, slow breathing can also help you relax and stay present, reducing anxiety and enhancing pleasure.
• Acknowledge your feelings and share them openly, creating an open and vulnerable space. This emotional intimacy can translate into a wildly more fulfilling sexual experience.
• Embrace the experience without worrying about sexual performance or outcomes. Let your body guide the way.

2. Enhance sex with extended foreplay

Foreplay is a very fun part of a satisfying sexual experience. It helps build arousal and anticipation, while also increasing intimacy. It also feels damn good. Here are a few ways to spice up your foreplay:

• Don’t rush through foreplay!! Spend time exploring each other’s bodies, kissing, touching, and caressing. 
• Talk to your partner about what you enjoy and ask them about their preferences. 
• Experiment with different types of touch, such as gentle caresses, firm pressure, or playful tickling. 
• Engage all your senses during foreplay. Play soft music, light scented candles, or use flavored lubricants. 
• Focus on the pleasure you’re giving and receiving, and let go of any pressure to perform.

3. Improve blood flow for better arousal

Improved blood flow to the genitals is pretty important to sexual health and arousal. Without a healthy functioning body, becoming sexually aroused can be a challenge. Not to worry! There’s a way to support your body’s natural ability to become aroused.

Here are a few things you can begin doing in your day-to-day to really increase your sex drive and improve your overall sexual experience:

• Masturbate! Masturbation helps you understand your body and what feels good, and it stimulates blood flow to the genitals. This can make you more sensitive and aroused during sex with your partner.
• Do some Kegel exercises. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles with Kegels can lead to better control and more intense orgasms. To do Kegels, just contract and release the muscles you use to stop the flow of urine. Try to do a few sets of these exercises every day.
• Get moving! Regular exercise, especially cardio or yoga, can improve overall circulation and blood flow to the genitals, boosting your sexual arousal and performance.
• Drinking enough water is super important for healthy blood flow. When you’re hydrated, all your body’s systems, including your sexual organs, work better.
• Eat a balanced diet. Foods rich in antioxidants, omega-3 fatty acids, and other nutrients support healthy blood flow. Think berries, nuts, leafy greens, and fish.

Lifestyle habits like sleep, exercise, and nutrition can significantly impact sexual desire! By focusing on activities that boost blood flow, you can naturally increase your arousal, making your sex life even more enjoyable.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Communication is the solution to (almost) every relationship issue, I swear!! Open and honest communication is the bedrock of a healthy and satisfying sex life. It allows partners to comfortably express their needs, desires, and boundaries. 

Here are a few ways to start communicating your way to a better sex life:

• Choose a relaxed, private time to talk about your sex life. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during or immediately after sex, as emotions may be heightened.
• Frame your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel more connected when we spend time on foreplay” rather than “You never spend enough time on foreplay.”
• Clearly express your needs, desires, and boundaries. The more specific you are, the better your partner can understand and respond to your needs.
• Pay attention to your partner’s words, tone, and body language. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with everything they say.
• Accept constructive feedback from your partner without becoming defensive. Use it as an opportunity to improve your sexual relationship and deepen your connection.

By the way … these tips 👆 aren’t just for a good sex life. If you practice this every time you communicate with anyone at all, then your life will improve tenfold. THAT I can promise you.

Ready to improve YOUR sex life?

Having a great sex life is key to feeling good physically, emotionally, and within your relationships. By focusing on mindfulness, making time for foreplay, and keeping those communication lines open, you can create deeper, more fulfilling intimate connections. 

If you’re ready to level up your sex life and build stronger bonds with your partner, let’s chat! Book a call with me, and together we can find the perfect strategies to make your sex life the best it can be. Don’t wait—start your journey to better intimacy today!