Ancient wisdom traditions from the East – such as Buddhism, Hinduism and Taoism – have conducted extensive research into the human body and mind for thousands of years, with the aim of transcending human suffering. With centuries of dedicated experimentation, revelations and insights, they discovered that all these negative emotions are not natural to our true being – they belong to the realm of the ego, our false identity.
After a certain set of contemplative practices and some lifestyle adjustments, these masters discovered their true being and saw that in this place negative emotions do not live. Out of their compassion and sense of oneness with all beings, they spent their lives teaching us how to find this space of freedom, of peace and bliss. The insights and techniques I share in this article come from Buddhist traditions and the teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi.
LIER method
I like to call this the LIER method
(labeling, introspecting, examining, letting go), because it directly addresses the negative feeling and lie it carries. It’s not a pretty word, but it does its job as a reminder.
- Label. Recognize that fear has arisen, and label it in your mind. The words you use are important. Don’t say “I’m afraid” or “I have anxiety”; instead say “fear has arisen,” or “fear is here.” See how just changing the words creates a different perspective and more space?
- Penetrate. Take one to three deep breaths and bring your attention inward. This means that instead of paying attention to the object, person, or circumstance that triggered the emotion, you should pay attention to the emotion itself. Accept that the feeling is there.
- To research. Study the feeling deeply: its causes, consequences and nature. Here are some questions to guide your contemplation:
- Causes: What exactly caused this feeling at this moment? There is no need to go to the remote causes of it in childhood or whatever. For now, just stick with what’s happening here. Once you’ve identified the core assumptions or mindsets underlying the feeling, challenge them: Is this the only way to see this situation? Is this an empowering way of looking at things?
- Effects: how does it feel in my body? Where is the feeling in my body? What memories and thoughts swim around this feeling in my head? What are my thoughts and feelings about this feeling?
- Nature: Look within and ask yourself, “what is this feeling?” Don’t use words to explain, but keep the question alive. Does this feeling have a content, a color, a size? What is it made of? What is its vibration? Think about how this feeling is fleeting. It wasn’t here a few minutes ago – where did it come from? It won’t be there after a few minutes – where will it disappear?
- Spend as much time as you need in step three. Learn as much as you can about the negative feeling. We are slaves to what we do not understand. See if this emotion is the real problem, or if there is something else behind it.
- Edition. Let it be what it is – but don’t create stories and interpretations around it. And let it go. I can’t tell you how to let go, but intuitively every person knows how.
The outcome of this process is fourfold: Brightness
(about what the emotion is); calmness
(to be with the feeling without being overwhelmed); selfknowledge
(understanding the nature of the emotion, its triggers and its effects in your body); liberation
(a sense of separation between the emotion and yourself).
In step number three you may encounter certain concepts or assumptions that are at the root of the negative feeling. Or perhaps certain unconscious ‘decisions’ to look at things in a certain way. In this example (fear of rejection), it could be a self-judgment about your sense of self-worth, or perhaps an attachment to the idea that you need the approval of a certain person to “affirm” that you are worthy of love and worth. It may be useful to spend a little more time on this and thoroughly question these assumptions and choices.
In some cases, the emotion does indeed indicate something that needs some attention in your life; then you may need to take some external action to make a change. The ‘external determination’ does not prevent this internal process, nor does going through this process require external passivity.
After going through this, you may find that the negative emotion has already disappeared, lost its power, or transformed into something else.