When someone asks me what I do, it’s hard to answer. I usually say, “I help people have babies” – as vague as that may sound. I am a birth and postpartum doula and help parents adjust to life with a baby. Unlike a nurse or a pediatrician or even a midwife or obstetrician, my work is holistic and long-term.
I meet expectant parents prior to delivery, help them during labor and often care for them at home day and night once their baby arrives. I know babies, but more importantly, I know parents. I see what works for people (and what gets them into trouble), and if I could pass on any wisdom, it would be this:
Sleep in shifts
You may have heard the old saying, “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Do that. But also sleep at different times, so that you always have someone who is (relatively) fresh. The worst thing you can do as a couple is both be awake all the time. It’s understandable: You’re excited and you want to experience this new experience together, so it can be easy to just skip a nap or end up staying up later than you planned.
If I had to give just one piece of advice it would be this: sleep in shifts. You can do this regardless of how you feed the baby (breast or bottle); just schedule a trade-off at the end of a shift. Mom takes from 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM, Dad from 2:00 AM to 6:00 AM, Mom from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM, etc. Try to help each other get enough sleep, even if some are day shifts (naps) for a period of 24 o’clock.
Get help
If at all possible, seek help with whatever you need to do in a day. This could include holding your baby while you take a shower, sweeping the floor, doing the shopping, giving a hug and letting him cry, listening to your birth story (again) and reminding you that you take your medications or supplements. , etc. Keep a list in a prominent place so your visitors can easily see what you need. The helpers can be anyone: a postpartum doula (like myself), friend, mother, father-in-law, sister, neighbor, etc. Anyone you like and who is willing to help.
Pro tip: I often find childless friends/nice uncles the most helpful because they don’t have kids of their own so they don’t try to sell you on parenting philosophy and they’re full of energy too! And they are available!
Set up a meal train
After a baby is born, time just seems to slip away. You can feed the little one three to four times before you notice that you haven’t had anything since last night’s dinner. A meal train is a great way for friends and family to meet the new addition and contribute to your household. Ask your friends/family to bring disposable crockery and cutlery so you don’t have to worry about washing or returning anything. People always bring enough for multiple meals, so spacing them out every 2-3 days is perfect.
Try to laugh
Breastfeeding issues, lack of sleep, tons of poopy diapers (as cute as they are) and sometimes a long or challenging labor can leave anyone feeling tired and too serious. Watching a stand-up special on TV or having a sweet, funny friend bring you dinner (see #3) can help keep things in perspective. The first weeks with a new baby are precious and special, but also a huge adjustment. It never hurts to laugh.
Writer Emma Summer is a doula, lactation consultant and mother. She blogs daily about breastfeeding, weaning, natural health, other parenting topics, and recipes at Your Fonder Heart. She would like to hear your birth story.
For educational purposes only. This information has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
Read more