The DJ
Make it hotter: Don’t underestimate how much better all of this can feel with a squirt of your favorite lubricant. “Lube helps reduce friction and allows for more comfort, especially for people dealing with dryness, pelvic pain, or dysphoria,” says Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, a sex therapist in New York.
The Pretzel Dip
Make it hotter: If the receiving partner enjoys penetrative sex, the bottom partner can don a thigh harness (like this one from Sportsheets). “Thigh harnesses can feel more secure and supportive than boxer-style harnesses, especially during longer play sessions,” says Kahn. They are also a fab workaround for those who have hip injuries or other mobility limitations that make traditional pelvis harnesses a no-go.
Thigh Harness Hoorah
Benefits: Thigh harnesses can feel more stable for marathon sex sessions than pelvic harnesses, says Kahn. They also allow the giver to penetrate their partner hands-free right from the comfort of their chair, as well as enabling people with hip and other mobility limitations to strap up.
Read the full piece here.
More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this subject:
What tips do you have for making insertive hand sex more pleasurable? Why can lube be helpful? Are there any finger vibes you suggest?
Slowing down, checking in about pressure, speed and rhythm, and treating hand sex as something expansive rather than just a warm-up can make a big difference. Lube helps reduce friction and allows for more comfort, especially for people dealing with dryness, pelvic pain, or dysphoria, and finger vibes can add sensation without requiring penetration to be the main event. Many people enjoy slim, flexible vibes that can move with the hand rather than feeling overly clinical or rigid.
Why can strap-on play be so fun? Why can it feel connective or euphoric? What’s the benefit of a hands-free penetrative option?
Strap-on play can create space for creativity, role exploration, power exchange, gender euphoria, and pleasure that is not centered around bodies functioning in one specific way. For many folks, there can be something deeply connective about experiencing pleasure collaboratively and simultaneously, and for some people, using a strap-on can create distance from parts of their body that feel difficult or complicated to connect with, which can itself be freeing. A hands-free option can also make it easier to focus on movement, closeness, connection, touch, or other kinds of stimulation at the same time.
When can a thigh harness come in handy? Any other strap-on alternatives that you suggest? Any suggestions or tips for wearing a double-ended strap-on?
A thigh harness can feel more secure and supportive, especially during longer play sessions or for people who want more stability and control. Some people also prefer thigh straps, boxer-style harnesses, or strapless options depending on comfort, body shape, mobility, or dysphoria needs. With double-ended dildo straps, lube, pacing, and adjusting expectations are important because they often take experimentation and communication to find positions and angles that feel good for everyone involved.
There’s no right way to do it, and treating it as something to figure out together rather than get right on the first try tends to make it more fun by way of being exploratory and reducing performance based pressure.
What tips do you have for making scissoring feel good? Why might all that skin-on-skin contact feel so pleasurable?
Tribbing works best when people focus less on what it is “supposed” to look like and more on pressure, positioning, and finding rhythms that feel good for your specific bodies. Pillows, lube, grinding against thighs, and staying flexible about positioning can all help. A lot of people enjoy the closeness and skin-on-skin contact because it can feel grounding, intimate, playful, and intensely connected.