Having only become a new mom 4 years ago (this month!), I can safely say that the journey to parenthood can be extremely challenging and can be very messy and frustrating at times. There is so much to juggle in our lives – kids, work, family, friendships to name just a few things – and so often we, as parents, can be hard on ourselves and try to keep all the balls in the air in a world that was stressful and overwhelming enough before kids came along. So when our child is “wild” (and I am a lover of wild children – and mother of one – by the way), we can innocently start to think, “Oh, why can’t they just behave differently? ”.
What I see happening for myself the moment I begin to judge my little girl’s wild behavior is that I am usually expressing an unmet need of my own inner little girl. When I’m busy and trying to juggle all the things, and my little girl is wild and excited – perhaps overstimulated by the amazingness of the world – and she’s bouncing around, this can be a trigger for my own inner little girl who really longs for peace in a world where I have not created boundaries for it, so that I can have the space to join her in her excitement. What can happen then is that I project onto my child: “Why can’t she just behave ‘better’?” so I can complete this next task?”
And it makes so much sense, because we are so conditioned to think about children’s “behavior.” I personally grew up in an era where I was told “children should be seen and not heard.” And yet, I have come to realize that children often behave in what we might judge as “bad” when our conditioning does not allow them to fully express themselves.
We see this most in the world where children with neurodivergence – things like ADHD in particular – are seen as ‘naughty’ or ‘disruptive’, when in reality their brains are simply wired in a way that differs from the typical brain. These children have real gifts, if we allow them to thrive.
However, that can be a hard pill to swallow for us as parents, who just want calm children. So I was thinking – as we start to notice that for ourselves – what else can help us create an environment that is truly calm and peaceful so that we can all thrive? And of course those are essential oils…
Because essential oils have a physiological impact on our body chemistry, we can work with them (gently with children) to help cultivate and support an environment we desire. For example, if we want to promote calmness, we can create an environment of tranquility by supporting with essential oils. Likewise, if we want to create a stimulating learning environment, we can create it with essential oils and so on. Whatever we want to create, there is an oil for that!
I’m going to recommend some oils below that can help us more consciously create specific environments that can encourage our children to thrive in their natural rhythms. It’s good to work with our children’s natural cycles when we do this, so keep in mind that this is the superpower of what nature intended.
Safety of essential oils in children
Before we go there, here are some safety precautions and prohibitions for using essential oils on children:
- Never use undiluted essential oils directly on the skin or near the eyes, mouth, nose or ears
- Dilute more heavily in carrier oils (such as grapeseed oil) for topical application in children – (see our previous article on essential oils for babies and younger children)
- 2 drops in a 15 ml carrier bag for children from 1 year to 5 years
- 3 drops in 15 ml baby carrier for children between 6 and 12 years old
- Maximum 6 drops in 15 ml carrier bag for older children
- Make sure your children do not ingest essential oils
- Test a patch and avoid sun exposure with photosensitive oils – essential oils listed below with a * are phototoxic, avoid sun exposure completely after use.
- Consult your doctor if your child is undergoing medical treatment
Essential oils for play, creativity and expression
If you want your child to have some intentional time to play, be creative and express themselves, the following oils are good – perhaps in the early morning or later in the afternoon.
- Sweet Orange* – a cheerful, refreshing oil, this is one for creating a playful, yet calming environment (ages 6 months+)
- Lime* – a deeply invigorating, uplifting oil, it can aid creative expression with its delightful citrus scent (ages 2 and up)
- Tangerine* – a relaxing, yet uplifting oil that is cheerful and stimulates creativity (from 6 months)
- Lemongrass – a citrus scent that helps reduce feelings of aggression and nervousness. This oil can help calm a child while playing (ages 2 years+)
- Rosewood – a balancing, uplifting, comforting oil that promotes calm expression (ages 6 months+)
Creative, playful expression spreading tip
I recommend mixing 1-2 drops of your favorite oils from the list above (use up to three oils and 2-6 drops total, depending on your child’s age), and smelling them together in the bottles first to to see if they mix well, mixed with water in an electric diffuser or your candle burner (always keep both away from your child). A sample mixture for a 6-year-old might be: 1 drop of sweet orange, 1 drop of lime, and 1 drop of rosewood, mixed in water in a candle burner or electric diffuser, for up to 30 minutes at a time.
Essential oils for focus and learning
To create some more focused learning time, I recommend using the following oils. Use these in the morning or early afternoon as some are a bit more ‘stimulating’.
- Spearmint – a stimulating oil that promotes concentration, this is a great alternative to the brain-boosting peppermint oil which should be avoided in children (spearmint should be used from age 6)
- Grapefruit* – an uplifting, stimulating oil, this cheerful citrus helps with focus (age 1 year+)
- Tea Tree – an invigorating oil that helps with clarity and focus (ages 6 months+)
- Patchouli – an oil for self-confidence, this grounding, calming oil is useful to balance the stimulating oils and create a calm learning environment (ages 2 years+)
- Bergamot* – a relaxing, calming oil, this reduces the nervous anxiety associated with learning and is also uplifting (ages 6 months+)
Targeted learning Spritz Blending Tip
I recommend mixing a spritz for your focused learning time, using a choice of your three favorite oils from the list above (15-30 drops total, depending on your child’s age). Mix 100 ml of water and add up to 5-10 drops of each of your favorite 3 oils. A sample mixture for a 6 year old might be: 12 drops of grapefruit, 12 drops of patchouli and 6 drops of spearmint, mixed in 100 ml of water in a spray bottle. Shake well before each use (or use a little Polysorbate 20 to dissolve the oils in the water). Spray the room intermittently as necessary to promote a focused learning environment.
Essential oils for relaxation and calmness
After all that learning time, you’ll want to create a really relaxing and restful afternoon and early evening, ready for bed. I would recommend the following oils, which you can use later in the day to bring a sense of peace and calm to happy, prosperous children.
- Mandarin* – hypnotic, calming and yet wonderfully scented: Mandarin is a real childhood favorite! (age 6 months+)
- Chamomile (Roman and German) – truly relaxing, calming, soothing oils that are great for cultivating a sense of peace (from 6 months)
- Lavender – a calming oil, Lavender is a favorite in the relaxation category (from 6 months)
- Yarrow (blue) – a balancing oil that is a good choice for rest (ages 6 months+)
- Vetivert – a grounding, soothing oil that helps with stress or anxiety. It is a wonderful oil for bedtime (from 2 years). Research has also shown it to be helpful for children with ADHD and ADD.
Relaxing and calming diffusion blending tip
I recommend putting one drop of each of your favorite three oils from this category on a cotton pad (to give this an extra boost, you can place it on a radiator) in your child’s room before he goes to bed – and whatever room he/she is in – for at least 1 hour before going to sleep. For example, 1 drop of Mandarin, 1 drop of Chamomile and 1 drop of Lavender are a brilliant, calming cultivator for sleepy moments. You can also spread a few drops in the area if that feels easier.
I hope these tips help you plan your days with your kids in an intentional way so that you can all thrive.
Happy mixing!
Nicole Barton
Advisor Aromatherapist
Disclaimer and safety advice