We’ve all been there – in the trap of comparison. We’ve scrolled through social media and suddenly we feel “less than,” or we’re comparing our bodies to someone else – or our businesses, parenting, our healing journey – or our “success.” It’s a slippery slope to despair, where we suddenly find ourselves lost in a black hole of “someone else is doing it better” – or “I’m behind” or “I’m not enough.”
Comparing ourselves has become almost a constant in modern culture – and it’s exhausting. And the thing is, it’s not just about the desire to look ‘better’ – it’s often a hidden survival mechanism we use to protect ourselves – the fear of not ‘fitting in’.
As a neurodivergent woman, this is something I have known well: often being very ‘different’ from others, but still feeling an internal pressure to be and do the same as others. The good news is that essential oils can help us break out of this trap – and return to our own rhythm, self-worth and gifts – and our uniqueness.
The hidden psychology of comparison
So often, people assume that when we compare ourselves to others, we’re vain – but it’s actually a learned survival instinct, to be hyper-vigilant about belonging. When we compare ourselves, we are actually asking ourselves (often unconsciously), “Am I safe? Will I be rejected or excluded? Am I inadequate?”
We secretly feel inferior. And in today’s world, it honestly makes sense. With the rise of social media – with glossy influencers popping up perfectly, it’s easy to compare ourselves and feel ‘smaller’ than others.
The truth is, this comparison disconnects us from our own timing and our own beauty – making us feel “less than” and like we need to do more – often leading us to burnout. Women in particular are often conditioned to competition and self-criticism, especially when it comes to beauty standards. We have learned to constantly monitor ourselves: our appearance, productivity, success, motherhood, aging and desirability.
And the problem is: comparison pulls us out of our own path and into someone else’s timeline – which impacts our nervous system. The more we compare, the harder it becomes to be ourselves.
How comparison shows up
Often this way of being is so ingrained that we may not even notice that we are comparing ourselves. So what are the practical and emotional symptoms of this pattern?
If we notice any of these things, it could be a sign that we’re stuck in comparison:
- Overthink everything
- Feeling ‘behind’ others – or less than
- Having low self-esteem
- Doom-scrolling social media repeatedly – many hours a day
- Difficulty celebrating others – not because we don’t want to, but because we don’t feel ‘enough’
- Perfectionism – the feeling that we always have to be in control, always look our best, everything has to be fine
- Constant self-control – making sure our mask doesn’t slip
- Changing ourselves to fit – contorting ourselves to be more ‘acceptable’
- Paralysis and procrastination – we may feel physically or mentally paralyzed and find it difficult to start tasks
- Creative ending
- Anxiety and activation of the nervous system
How comparison affects the body
Comparison doesn’t just affect our behavior and emotions; we can also feel its impact in our bodies. When we’re stuck in the trap of comparison, we become vigilant, feel inadequate, and can become stressed—which literally changes our chemistry.
Possible physical manifestations of this may include:
- Tension in our body – neck, shoulders, uterus
- Exhaustion and fatigue
- Exhaustion of the adrenal glands
- Burnout
- Insomnia and insomnia
- Nervous system dysregulation and anxiety
Essentially, our daily lives are about ‘performing’, rather than being in our own bodies, and focused on what really lights us up. Comparison pulls us away from who we are and turns life into a competition.
The role of essential oils
If we have been feeling this way for a long time, it can have serious consequences for our well-being. And this is where essential oils can help – both with the long-term “effects” of comparison fatigue, and with the deeper underlying dignity that is missing that drives us to engage in this behavior in the first place.
Essential oils can help us regulate our nervous system, reconnect with ourselves, interrupt obsessive thinking, soothe shame, ground back into our bodies, and reconnect with self-worth and truth.
The goal isn’t necessarily to ‘make us more confident’ – although that can be a side effect – it’s more about creating the internal conditions in which we can begin to hear ourselves again.
Essential oils to ground ourselves again
When we are tempted to look outward, the best oils are those that can help ground us inward:
- Vetivert – a deeply grounding oil, especially great when comparison leads to a spiral or stagnation.
- Cedarwood – an anchoring, stabilizing oil, helping us reconnect with our center.
- Patchouli – excellent for embodiment, this oil helps us get back into the body.
I recommend using one of these oils in a blend to help center you when comparison is necessary.
Oils for self-esteem and heart healing
A deeper, underlying driver of comparison habits is the feeling of being “unworthy.” Oils that help us heal our sensitive hearts include:
- Rose – the caring oil of self-love, tenderness and dignity.
- Geranium – a balancing oil that helps us soothe emotional uncertainty and let go of comparisons.
- Neroli – an oil that supports vulnerability and emotional security, this helps us remember our worth.
Use these oils to help heal underlying wounds.
Oils for releasing mental overwhelm and perfectionism
When we mentally feel the call to be perfect, we can use oils such as:
- Frankincense – an oil that creates spaciousness and perspective.
- Lavender – calms the nervous system, this oil helps us heal hypervigilance.
- Bergamot – an excellent oil to help relieve the mind from self-criticism and emotional heaviness.
Select one of these in your mix to help release overwhelm.
Oils for authentic expression and confidence
To reclaim ourselves from the equation, we must begin to feel safe to return to our inner truth – and honor our own unique expression. These oils help:
- Clary Sage – an oil that supports the reclamation of our inner truth and releases conformity.
- Sweet Orange – the oil of playfulness, spontaneity and joy.
- Jasmine – an expressive essential oil that supports calm confidence, sensuality and visibility.
Use one of these oils in your blend to support reclaiming your authentic self.
Comparative mixtures
One thing I always like to cultivate is the sense that there is no wrong mix. When we’re so used to comparison, it’s crucial to reclaim our ‘own way’ in small ways – and blending oils can be one way we come to remember our unique power. As long as you use the same dilutions for safe blending, you can choose whatever oils you feel called to – and the invitation is to trust your nose to guide you.
Here are some suggestions to play with:
‘Return to Self’ diffuser mix: mix 3 drops of frankincense, 2 drops of rose and 1 drop of cedarwood in water in an electric diffuser or candle burner and let it evaporate into the air for 30 minutes, while breathing deeply, taking a break to be present and interrupt any comparison habit you have. You might want to think about, “Where am I letting myself down through comparison?” and see what emerges.
Mirror ritual massage: Make a massage blend with up to 6 drops of 3 oils of your choice (maybe Geranium, Sweet Orange and Patchouli if you’re really unsure), mixed with 15ml of a carrier oil such as Sweet Almond – and massage into your body, looking into your eyes in the mirror. This can be confronting, so notice what comes to mind as you become honest with yourself. Ask yourself, “What happens if I stop abandoning myself to become someone else?” – and look what comes!
To reset social media: Whenever you notice yourself in comparison, put your phone away and reconnect with your body or nature – mix 1 drop of your favorite oil from the list above with 10 ml of carrier oil in a roller bottle – and massage it onto your pulse points. Spend some time thinking about, “What are my strengths?” and “What do I want to create?”
It takes time to undo comparison habits – there is often deeper internal work and healing to be done around our beliefs and old stories – but the most important thing to know is that we all have our own unique gifts and strengths.
One of my favorite lessons from the plants is that flowers don’t compare their bloom times.
Every nervous system has its own rhythm – and essential oils remind us to reconnect with that. Nature neither rushes nor compares – as Lao Tzu says, “Nature does not hurry, yet all is accomplished.”
Aromatherapy reminds us of that – and that healing asks us to come home to ourselves, rather than looking outside.
Happy mixing.
Nicole Barton
Advisor Aromatherapist
Disclaimer and safety advice
Read other articles by Nicole Barton