As we enter February – the month of ‘love’ – this can also bring sadness for many people who may have lost those they love. Loss, longing and emotional sadness can arise. Whether it’s simply the absence of a relationship, the loss of someone we love, or unmet expectations within our relationship, this time of year can bring sadness to the surface.
We may or may not be aware that we are grieving. Sadness can be sneaky in the way it manifests. Because it’s uncomfortable to face—and because the world demands we move quickly—many of us learn to numb, distract, or keep busy to avoid our feelings. That leaves us to grieve in silence, and over time, unresolved grief can remain in the body, affecting how we feel, think and function – without us even realizing why.
Essential oils offer us a powerful way to slow down and reconnect with our underlying emotions – to enter our bodies and face the hidden sadness that lives there, helping us soften our emotional barriers and supporting the well-being of our body, mind and emotions.
How sadness affects us: mind and emotions
It is a misconception that sadness is just sadness. Sometimes, especially when we suppress our grief – which is natural and common – we can experience other telltale symptoms that affect how we think and even how we cope on a day-to-day basis. These include:
- Depression
- Bad mood
- Emotional heaviness
- Tension
- Hysteria
- Repeated thoughts
- Challenges in concentrating
- Brain fog
- Emotional numbness
- Irritability
If we haven’t created space to feel or process our emotions—which isn’t really necessary in this society that’s all about rushing and being productive—these signs are common “symptoms” of underlying sadness.
How sadness can manifest itself physically
From a holistic perspective, based on natural universal healing laws and principles, it is often believed that health works from within: what we suppress later emerges in the body. And so, when we push grief aside or try to ignore it, it often begins to express itself through the body as physical symptoms later.
In other words, our emotional imbalances manifest in the body, which is why we often hear that “The body keeps the score” (Bessel van der Kolk) – in other words, the body is wise and will reveal to us what we are not processing emotionally.
If we don’t process our grief, it can manifest itself as:
- Chronic fatigue
- Persistent exhaustion or burnout
- Muscle tension
- Migraine
- Palpitations
- Hormonal imbalance – eg, thyroid problems
- Energy fluctuations
- Sleep disorder
- Skin symptoms – dryness
- Low immunity
- Feeling exhausted for no apparent reason
- Digestive disorders
Many of these may seem unexplained, but if we look at our medical timeline, we may notice that these symptoms have arisen immediately after a grief or loss. We’re not trained to look at health this way, and it’s a pretty radical worldview, but I’ve found it to be true in my own life, and in the lives of others I’ve guided holistically.
In these cases, physical symptoms are the body’s way of signaling hidden sadness that is longing to be dealt with. And processing can even help us become healthy again.
Why essential oils can help
Essential oils – unlike medications often prescribed for grief (which may be necessary at certain times and can be life-saving) – offer a natural way to support our emotional processing – whether used as a standalone medication or in addition to traditional medications.
Our sense of smell has a direct link to the parts of our brain that process our emotions, our memory and our stress response. That’s why scent can have such a powerful effect on our emotions, helping us process and regulate during times of sadness. Not only that, but essential oils are also therapeutic for our physical symptoms. They can:
- Calm the nervous system
- Help us access repressed emotions
- Release the tension stored in the body
- Support emotional regulation
- Soothe physical symptoms – such as fatigue, tension, migraines, digestive disorders, etc
Rather than numbing, essential oils help us move emotions through the body, creating the safety for us to heal on a physical, emotional, mental and soul level.
Essential oils to support underlying sadness
Our focus on oils in this article is on the oils that support the underlying, deeper cause of our symptoms: the sadness that has been pushed down and unacknowledged. If we can get started with this, our physical complaints will often begin to diminish naturally.
My Top 5 oils for coping with grief are:
Rose – a beautiful floral oil, this oil traditionally associated with love opens what is closed and gently supports deep emotional release when sadness has been held in the heart for a long time – great for those who have learned to be ‘strong’ and carry on.
- Supports emotional discharge
- Helps soothe wakefulness
Bergamot – a fruity, sweet citrus fruit. This oil is excellent when sadness manifests itself in a depressed mood, exhaustion and anxiety.
- Helps lift emotional heaviness – gradually
- Supports emotional expression and reduces anxiety
Frankincense – a fresh, woody-spicy oil. Frankincense has long been used as a natural antidepressant that creates space for sadness to slowly rise to the surface – especially for those who intellectualize sadness.
- Supports breathing when sadness is held tightly in the chest
- Helps us access emotions we have been avoiding and gently brings us back to the body
Neroli – a sweet floral oil. Neroli soothes emotional shock, heartbreak or vulnerability.
- Soothes emotional shock and helps calm anxiety while releasing emotions
- Supports people who are easily overwhelmed by feelings
Cedarwood – a woody, balsamic oil. Cedarwood helps ground and stabilize us in grief – which is useful when emotions exhaust our body, causing it to collapse or shut down.
- Supports sadness that manifests itself in fatigue, burnout or emotional flatness
- Brings us back into the body and balances our nervous system, inviting deep rest
A gentle grief healing ritual
One thing to know is that when unpacking grief, we proceed with caution. There’s no rush to dive deep into it; it is a tender unfolding of our hearts, which takes place over time and requires safety, slowness and consent.
Essential oils, used in rituals, can open our hearts to this process. So here’s a simple ritual you can use to help you ground your body, support your nervous system, and reconnect with feelings that may be beneath the surface.
Choose a time when you will not be disturbed; even 5-10 minutes is perfect. And remember: you can pause at any time if it gets too much. This is about gentleness, not pushing.
- Start by creating some space to be with yourself – provide soft blankets, a journal and light a candle to honor and welcome your grief – by doing this you are choosing to make time to be with your emotions.
- Maybe you want to create extra space with a wonderful scent: mix 4 drops of Neroli and 2 drops of frankincense, mixed in water in an electric diffuser or candle burner.
- Prepare a massage mixture – mix 3 drops of rose, 2 drops of cedarwood and 1 drop of bergamot in 15 ml of grapeseed oil.
- Once you have prepared your space and oils, sit or lie down comfortably, place one hand on your chest and one on your abdomen – and take three long, slow breaths, with your exhalation lasting longer than your inhale. There is nothing to ‘fix’ here, we are just inviting your emotions – don’t force them, just allow yourself to be present.
- Take your massage oil and gently apply it to your body in long, slow strokes, moving toward your heart. Use your intuition here – you can apply it to your entire body for full impact – or just to your chest and heart area, or to your wrists if you’re feeling sensitive. Move slowly, let this be a reminder to your body that you are here to support yourself – and that you are safe.
- Notice what happens when you become present with yourself. Don’t try to solve it, but allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. There’s no need to analyze, it’s simply about letting it all emerge. There may be tears, numbness, warmth or nothing at all – all are welcome. It may take some time before you start to feel, so just allow what comes up, even if it is nothing right away. If your mind wants to go away, bring your mind back to the smell and name what you can smell, hear or see.
- Give yourself permission to feel. When emotions arise, you may want to journal about them and record them. Remember that it is okay to feel, there is no rush and everything is welcome. If you feel overwhelmed, pause for a moment and come out of the ritual into the present moment.
- To complete the ritual, breathe slowly, feel your feet on the floor and open your eyes to observe the room around you. Every little moment of connection helps.
You may enjoy using this ritual once a day or a few times a week; it is especially supportive in the evening or during emotionally charged times. But remember; go gently – gentleness is key.
Grief heals when we meet it with love, rather than with violence or numbness. Essential oils won’t take away the pain, but they can help us choose to consciously deal with grief and be more present with our feelings. It is a very difficult and courageous journey to face our emotions, but it is also very powerful to do so.
February is about love, and that includes sadness – as Martin Pretchel said, “Sorrow is praise, because it is love’s natural way of honoring what it lacks.” We are taught that our feelings are wrong and need to be turned off – but in reality, sadness is love.
Essential oils can help us remember and access the love we innocently shut off through our loss.
Nicole Barton
Advisor Aromatherapist
Disclaimer and safety advice
Read other articles by Nicole Barton