‘Self-love’ has become somewhat of a ‘buzzword’ in the world of healing and self-discovery – and its true power is often underestimated. We can often mistakenly think of “self-love” as what I would actually describe as “self-care.” It is done innocently because we usually hear the term followed by “tips” that help us take more care of ourselves. Yet over the years I have come to realize that there is a ‘deeper’ form of ‘self-love’ that is even more important for us to access a healthier and more fulfilling life of health and wellbeing on all levels – emotional, mental. physically and spiritually.
Considering it’s February, we thought this was a perfect month to dive deep into the essential oils that can help us fully begin this journey – and the three stages of true, lasting self-love that we can powerfully cultivate through essential use oils. This allows you to embark on a journey to open yourself more deeply to loving aspects of yourself that have been lost until now.
What is ‘self-love’?
Self-love is typically taught in the modern world as a variety of ‘practices’ or ‘habits’ or ‘actions’ that we can do – perhaps we are encouraged to take a nice hot bath to be a little more loving to ourselves, or we go for a massage, or we create space to go to that yoga class we’ve always wanted to go to but never allowed ourselves to prioritize. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – it’s just that these kinds of things are loving ‘acts’, rather than what I would call real, deep ‘self-love’.
They are really acts of what I would call “self-care” – which is an “embodiment” element of self-love.
The challenge is that the ’embodiment’ of self-love, through self-care, is actually something that is stepped on more deeply on the path of true self-love, and if we skip the earlier parts of the journey to true self-love, love, many people will often find it difficult to choose these practices.
Have you ever struggled with choosing self-care practices on a regular basis? If so, then what is missing from your “self-care” work is probably the real, deep, true art of “self-love.”
What is ‘self-love’?
“Self-love” is the art of truly loving and welcoming all parts of ourselves – including the parts of ourselves that feel unwanted and oppressed. It’s actually what I would call ‘soul reclamation’: loving and welcoming all parts of our true self and the full expression that we may have rejected, ashamed or pushed aside, seeing these aspects of ourselves as ‘unlovable’. ‘ consider.
And it is the “self-love” that takes us deeper than the “self-care” practices we often engage in more superficially and largely sporadically – usually when we have reached our point of “enough” and run out of energy. It is common to find that people only choose self-care when they are about to explode, rather than actively integrating it into their lives, with a deeper sense of wholeness and actual self-love.
It is the journey of learning to truly love ourselves that is the foundation for anyone who truly wants to cultivate a more ongoing loving inner relationship that also allows us to actively choose and commit more deeply to more self-care practices in our daily lives .
The distinction is quite nuanced, but it is also important – because the real healing is found in truly learning to welcome all parts of ourselves.
How can we start with that?
3 steps to open up to self-love – along with aromatherapy blends for support
There are 3 steps that I invite people to journey with as they open up to a deeper sense of true self-love (although they are rarely ‘linear’ – we’ll circle around it a few times). We can super-charge these with essential oils, so I’ll describe them first and then offer some blends to support you every step of the way.
Before we dive in, the most important thing to do in all of this is to be open to cultivating a little more self-compassion. a loving and honest look at where in your life you started to shame and throw away parts of yourself that feel ‘broken’ – and actively choose differently.
1. Self-Enlightenment and Honesty:
We need to look at where we have started to hate ourselves and feel guilt and shame about who we are: we need to tap into the art of loving self-enlightenment. Noticing the patterns our inner little girl has put in place to keep us from being kind, patient, and gentle with ourselves – and noticing why that’s difficult – is the starting point. Asking deeper questions that help us think about where we haven’t loved and welcomed all parts of ourselves – and why – is the first step.
The types of questions you can ask here include:
- What is it about ourselves that we have not welcomed and loved? What aspects of our true self have we rejected? Why?
- Where have we been unkind to ourselves in the past?
- Where do we often fool ourselves?
- Are our beliefs around this ‘unlovable’ aspect of ourselves really true? What would others say?
- Where are we not respecting our own unique needs?
- If anything has stopped us from implementing self-care practices, what has it been?
- Why? What has gotten in the way? Is it the fear of losing approval, control, or safety?
- What are the costs and benefits of not choosing to love ourselves more?
- Do we want to choose differently?
Essential oils for loving self-enlightenment
As you work with the first part of this three-step journey, I recommend diffusing essential oils that will support you with emotional release and heart opening and activate your cognition, in addition to a more ‘spiritual’ oil that will also help you access the deeper unconscious aspects of yourself. Here’s a mix that would really support:
Spread of self-illumination: Mix 3 drops of Rose Geranium (emotional release/heart opening), 2 drops of Rosemary (cognitive) and 2 drops of Myrrh (spiritual) in some water in a candle burner or electric diffuser and use this while you are working on self-questioning to help you become honest about where you stand.
2. Contact us with your wishes:
The next step is to take a closer look at how we really want to be in the world: do we want to keep beating ourselves, or would it feel much better if we could really learn to love ourselves a little more? Do we long for more boundaries? Do we want more self-care? What do we really want for ourselves? Tune into your heart and keep a journal about it.
Essential oils to get in touch with our desires
When you get in touch with your desires, you need essential oils that help you tune into your heart and your sense of inner joy, nourishment and desire. I would recommend a self-massage around the heart area with some ‘opening’ essential oils which can help you get in touch with a deeper place within yourself and hear your inner truth – and then journal about what became clear. Here’s a blend to support you as you access your heart’s deeper desires about loving yourself:
Desire activation massage: Mix 3 drops of Rosewood (nourishing), 2 drops of Sweet Orange (joyful) and 1 drop of Ylang Ylang (desire) in 15 ml of Grape Seed Oil and massage this mixture into your heart space – or all over your body, if that feels powerful – in circular movements towards the heart. As you do that, tune into your deeper desires about how you want to express more true, deep self-love – what does that look like, in practical steps?
3. Embodiment of Self-Love:
Once we have dug deeper into self-clarification of the patterns that keep us from “self-love,” and we have gotten clear on our desires for how we want to move forward, we can begin to actively engage and choose to to love ourselves more in our embodiment – this is when our more self-care based practices come in. We can only really fully choose this when we know how much it has cost us not to choose it. The ‘Embodime’ phase is actually about the aspects of self-love and self-care that we often already know. This part is really about choosing the practical steps highlighted in Step 2 – and it will look very different for everyone. Do you choose to embody more self-love? What exercises will help you cultivate that feeling in your body? Make a list.
Essential oils for the embodiment of self-love
When we talk about embodiment, what we really mean is actively choosing to feel self-love in our cells – even when we don’t. How can we embody and cultivate more self-love in our bodies? We can use essential oils powerfully for ‘cellular’ embodiment – in particular, they are powerful embodiment supporters because we can intentionally choose essential oils that contain qualities we want to embody. For example, we can choose oils for their “calming”, “nourishing” or “relaxing” properties, if we want to embody these things – oils will help us embody specific properties so that we literally feel the embodied impact in our cells, so think about the oils you use intentionally to help you feel their properties. An example is this mix that offers one embodiment practice in which you can embody self-love through calmness, care and relaxation:
Self-love bath: Mix 3 drops of Bergamot (calming), 2 drops of Rose (nourishing) and 2 drops of Geranium (relaxing) in 15 ml of bath oil or shower gel – and add this to the warm, running water of your bath. Close your windows and doors, sink into your bath, and enjoy the epitome of calm, nurturing relaxation (if that’s what you mean to offer yourself).
As you navigate this process, the deepest invitation when working with oils is to remember that you can truly use essential oils to embody anything – so choose your oils wisely for the properties they will help you embody more self-love.
Which oils specifically appeal to you?
Happy mixing.
Nicole Barton
Advisor Aromatherapist
Disclaimer and safety advice
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