How To Improve Communication Skills In A Relationship

Romantic relationships have a massive influence on your mental health. Fulfilling relationships can feel like a launching pad from which you and your partner reach your goals. Unhealthy relationships, however, can feel like a death sentence.

Fear not: healthy communication skills can help make your relationship a thriving and nourishing part of your life.

As a Sex and Intimacy Coach, I’ve worked with lots of couples on developing effective communication skills for a satisfying and lasting relationship.

In this article, I’ll go through my top communication tips for establishing healthy communication patterns inside your relationship.

14 Signs Of Poor Communication In Relationships

Poor communication habits can quietly undermine a relationship, intensifying issues and creating distance between partners. Healthy communication becomes the antidote to conflict, de-escalating situations and making partners feel heard and understood.

But if this is just the beginning of your journey toward healthy communication in your relationship, then it’s hard to know where to begin! So let’s begin by identifying poor communication habits that can poison intimate relationships.

Here are some toxic communication patterns to watch for:

1. Passive-aggressive behavior: Subtle digs or sarcasm instead of directly addressing issues can have a negative impact on mental health, increase conflict, and lead to loneliness.
2. Avoiding difficult conversations: Ignoring or avoiding talking about problems can create a buildup of unresolved issues, leading to resentment over time.
3. Interrupting: Frequently cutting each other off can signal a lack of respect or interest in what the other person has to say, preventing meaningful exchanges.
4. Stonewalling: This involves shutting down or refusing to engage in conversation, often to avoid conflict. It can leave the other partner feeling isolated and ignored.
5. Defensive responses: Reacting defensively to feedback or criticism can shut down constructive dialogue and prevent resolution, making the other person feel unheard.
6. Blaming or criticizing: Focusing on faults or assigning blame rather than addressing the problem can create a hostile environment, leading to more conflict and hurt feelings.
7. Silent Treatment: Withholding communication as a form of punishment or control can create emotional distance and make the other person feel abandoned and unimportant.
8. Withholding information: Keeping important thoughts or feelings to oneself can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of trust in the relationship.
9. Dismissiveness: Minimizing or mocking a partner’s concerns can make them feel invalidated and discourage open communication.
10. Negative body language: Non-verbal cues like eye-rolling, crossed arms, or lack of eye contact can contradict spoken words and send mixed messages, indicating disinterest or contempt.
11. Over-generalizing: Using phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” can escalate conflicts by making the other person feel unfairly criticized and defensive.
12. Ignoring Boundaries: Disregarding your partner’s requests for space or time is disrespectful and can erode trust and mutual respect.
13. Gaslighting: Denying or distorting the truth to make your partner doubt their perceptions or feelings is a manipulative tactic that erodes trust and self-esteem.
14. Excessive Joking at Your Partner’s Expense: Using humor to belittle or mock your partner can undermine their confidence and damage the relationship.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, then that’s okay! We are all handed down our communication styles until someone along the line stops and changes that pattern. You are that someone, my friend.

Tips For Communicating In A Relationship

Healthy relationships thrive on effective communication and mutual understanding. But how the heck do you get through all of those awkward conversations and moments of rage?

By staying laser-focused on the big picture: you both want a healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime.

By focusing on the big picture and shared goals, you can resolve conflicts pretty quickly and effectively.

Here are some tips for staying focused on your mutual goals:

• Regularly remind each other of your shared goals and values.
• When discussing issues, focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
• Celebrate small wins and improvements in communication, reinforcing positive changes.
• Aim to understand each other’s perspectives rather than always agreeing. This builds empathy and reduces conflict.
• Speak directly when serious problems can and need to be changed. Offer affection and validation when problems are minor and cannot be changed for best relationship outcomes.
• Use “we” language.
• Remind each other of past challenges you’ve overcome together, which can give you both confidence in handling current issues.
• Set aside time to discuss the state of your relationship, keeping both partners aligned and aware of each other’s feelings.
• Discuss your future together, setting goals and aspirations, to keep your relationship forward-looking.
• Regularly express your commitment to the relationship, reinforcing the idea that you’re both in it for the long haul.

5 Communication Exercises For Couples

Strengthening communication in a relationship takes practice and intentional effort. But sometimes it can be tough to improve communication mid-conflict. This is where I recommend to my clients to practice positive communication when emotions are not heightened. Here are five exercises that will help you develop your communication skills while also getting comfortable with talking openly with your partner.

1. The 5-Minute Mirror

This exercise is all about active listening and reflecting. Each partner takes turns sharing something on their mind for five minutes while the other listens attentively without interrupting. After the speaker finishes, the listener summarizes what they heard, starting with, “What I heard you say is…” This helps ensure understanding and makes the speaker feel heard.

Instructions:

• Sit facing each other in a comfortable setting.
• Take a moment to understand and process your own feelings before starting the exercise.
• Partner A talks for five minutes about a topic of their choice, while Partner B listens without speaking.
• Partner B then summarizes what they heard, focusing on the main points and emotions expressed.
• Switch roles and repeat.

2. Gratitude and Affirmation Exchange

Focusing on positive aspects can enhance emotional intimacy. In this exercise, each partner shares three things they appreciate about the other. It’s a great way to reinforce positive communication and remind each other of the strengths in your relationship.

Instructions:

• Find a quiet time together, like at the end of the day.
• Take turns sharing three things you appreciate about each other.
• Be specific and sincere, avoiding generic compliments.
• Reflect on how these affirmations make you feel and discuss any emotions that arise.
• Acknowledge and respect your partner’s feelings during the exercise.

3. The Check-In Ritual

Regular check-ins help couples stay connected and address small issues before they become bigger problems. Designate a specific time each week for a check-in, where you discuss how you’re feeling about the relationship and any concerns or highlights.

Instructions:

• Choose a time each week that works for both partners, like Sunday evenings.
• Start with a simple question: “How are you feeling about us this week?”
• Share thoughts and feelings honestly, focusing on both positives and areas for improvement.
• Use “I” statements to express personal feelings rather than placing blame.

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4. The Communication Jar

This exercise encourages open communication on a variety of topics. Write down different conversation starters or questions on pieces of paper and place them in a jar. Each week, draw one and discuss it together.

Instructions:

• Create a list of open-ended questions or topics, like “What’s a dream you have for our future?” or “How can we support each other better?”
• Write each question on a separate slip of paper and place them in a jar.
• Once a week, pick a question from the jar and discuss it openly and honestly.
• Take turns listening and sharing, ensuring both partners have equal time to speak.

5. Non-Verbal Communication Challenge

This fun exercise helps couples become more attuned to each other’s non-verbal cues. For one evening, try communicating without words, using only body language, facial expressions, and gestures.

Instructions:

• Choose a light-hearted activity, like cooking dinner or playing a game, and agree not to speak.
• Use non-verbal cues to communicate your needs, feelings, and responses.
• Afterward, discuss how it felt to rely on non-verbal communication and what you learned about each other’s non-verbal cues.

Take the Next Step with Lanae St John

Improving communication in your relationship can lead to deeper connection, understanding, and joy. If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level and need personalized guidance, I’m here to help. As a seasoned sex and intimacy coach, I specialize in helping couples navigate their unique challenges and build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Book a call with me today, and let’s work together to enhance your communication skills and create the loving relationship you deserve. Whether you’re facing specific issues or simply want to strengthen your bond, I’m here to support you every step of the way. Let’s make communication the foundation of your thriving relationship—schedule your consultation now!