A lot has been changing in my life lately. And I think I’m still trying to catch up to it.
It’s a strange feeling when your life starts to look different than what you were used to. Even if the change is good. Even if it’s something you wanted. Even when it’s something you chose or something that makes sense for your life. There’s still this part of you that feels a bit lost. There’s still this weight to it. This awareness that things aren’t the same anymore. And also… this small, unexpected grief. Missing versions of my life that I’m still living, but that already feel like they’re slowly slipping away. The way things used to be, without me even realizing they were “before.” The normal days that didn’t feel like anything special at the time, but now feel different. It’s strange to grieve something that hasn’t fully ended yet. To be here, in the present, and already feel a goodbye to it. I didn’t expect that part.
I think I used to believe that once something “good” happened, I should just feel happy about it. Fully, clearly, without questioning it. But that’s not how it works. Some days I feel excited. Like I’m stepping into something new, and it’s full of possibility. And other days, I feel overwhelmed for no clear reason. Or tired.
And I’ve been realizing that both can exist at the same time.
You can feel grateful and still feel unsure.
You can feel excited and still feel scared.
You can be moving forward and still feel like you need a moment to breathe.
You can be in something beautiful and still miss what came before.
I think I used to believe I had to pick one feeling and stick with it. Like if something good was happening, I had no right to feel confused or sad or overwhelmed. But that’s not real. Real life feels mixed. Messy. A bit unclear most of the time.
Lately, I’ve been trying to stop rushing myself through it. Stop trying to “figure it all out”. Because I don’t think that’s how it works. I think sometimes you just have to sit in it. In the in-between. And trust that things will make sense later.
There’s something uncomfortable about change, even when it’s right. It stretches you. It moves things around inside you. It asks you to let go of versions of yourself you were used to. And that takes time. I think I’m learning to accept that I’m in a transition.
If you’re going through something similar, I hope you know you’re not behind. You’re not lost. You’re just in the middle of something. And that’s allowed to feel confusing. And heavy. And hopeful and exciting at the same time. It’s okay to grieve what was, even while stepping into something new.
And it’s okay to feel both at the same time. 🤍
Have you ever felt that too? Being in something new, while still holding onto what’s slowly changing?