“Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and swinging are relationship structures or practices that describe how people structure their relationships, while symbiosexuality is not,” says mental health expert and sex therapist Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. Instead, symbiosexuality describes what—or more specifically, whom—someone finds attractive.
Can Someone Be Symbiosexual and Monogamous?
You bet! “Someone symbiosexual can be polyamorous, monogamous, a swinger, or not actively practicing any particular relationship style,” says Kahn. That’s because symbiosexuality describes whom someone might be drawn to, rather than prescribing a particular way of organizing a relationship.
Myth: It’s the Same as Being Polyamorous
While labels like symbiosexual and polyamorous can help people understand themselves and communicate desires to partners and potential suitors, they describe entirely different things.
“Symbiosexuality is an attraction to the dynamic, connection, and/or energy shared between people in an existing relationship,” says Kahn. Polyamory, by contrast, is a relationship orientation and structure centered around having multiple loving relationships at once, they say.
Communicate Openly With Partner(s)
If you’re currently monogamously partnered up, it can be helpful to begin the conversation by affirming your commitment to the current relationship, according to Kahn. When genuine, this reassurance helps create room for exploration while respecting everyone’s autonomy and needs, they say. “As with any form of relationship-based exploration, consent, communication, active listening, and flexibility matter more than fitting any particular label,” they say.
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More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this subject:
Symbiosexuality is about attraction to a dynamic, connection, or energy shared between people in an existing relationship, rather than attraction to each individual person separately. Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy (ENM), and swinging are relationship structures or practices, while symbiosexuality is a pattern of attraction or an orientation. Someone can be symbiosexual and polyamorous, monogamous, a swinger, or not actively practicing any particular relationship style.
Labels are tools for self-understanding, not tests you have to pass.
How do you figure out if you’re symbiosexual or have another relationship orientation?
Get curious and pay attention to what draws you in. If you find yourself feeling especially attracted to the connection, chemistry, and relational dynamic between people, rather than primarily focusing on individuals, that could be meaningful information.
If you are already in a dyadic partnership and want to explore symbiosexuality, how might you do that?
Start by getting curious about what feels exciting or meaningful about attraction to relationship dynamics. Having open conversations about desires, boundaries, and expectations can help create room for exploration while respecting everyone’s autonomy and needs. As with any form of relationship-based exploration, consent, communication, active listening, and flexibility matter more than fitting any particular label.
Exploring symbiosexuality can look different for everyone, so it’s all about following what excites you and using that as a guide.