My boyfriend of six months has the same effect on me as a lullaby does on a newborn. With the body and voice of a lumberjack, I’d say he otherwise has little in common with the melodic hum of “Rock-a-Bye Bab.” And yet, as soon as he cradles me in his beefed-up and tatted (flex) arms, I can’t stop drifting into dreamland.
Check out G&STC Therapist Alexa Perez speaking with Gabrielle Kassel at Cosmopolitan about why your healthy relationship might make you sleepy.
Why Healthy Relationships Can Make Us Sleepy
The thing is, feeling safe with someone doesn’t necessarily release a magical sleepy-time cocktail that knocks you the hell out on contact. Rather, as physiological arousal decreases, the body may finally have the opportunity to register fatigue that was already there. As Perez puts it, “It’s less about going from ‘fight-or-flight’ to ‘sleep mode’ and more about going from ‘I need to stay alert’ to ‘I don’t have to work so hard to protect myself right now.’” Sometimes, “feeling safe doesn’t give you energy so much as it gives your body permission to notice how tired it already was,” she says.
How to Manage Sleepiness
Protecting distraction-free awake time is exactly what Perez recommends for couples like us navigating Sleepy Bitch Syndrome. The key is to work with your energy levels rather than constantly fight against them, she says.
And sometimes? “Take the damn nap,” says Perez. “Getting the rest your body is asking for may be exactly what allows you to wake up more present, engaged, and ready to make those new memories together.”
But perhaps the most important thing you can do is make sure your partner knows what your sleepiness does—and doesn’t—mean. After all, you might know you’re passing out on their chest because it’s the safest place in the world, but from underneath your drooling body, they could reasonably be wondering if you’d rather be…literally anywhere else.
“Letting your partner know that your sleepiness may actually be connected to how safe and relaxed you feel with them can prevent it from being mistaken for boredom or disinterest,” says Perez.
Read the full piece here.