Attachment is very close to addiction. Things you can’t live without and that you crave regularly. Things and people that you compulsively pursue in the name of happiness and fulfillment, but the core deception is that you are pursuing things that will not bring you lasting happiness and that their power to make you happy diminishes over time.
Upon closer examination, it is possible to realize that happiness does not come from the person or object you are attached to.
We spend so much time and effort desiring and pursuing things that we think will make us happy that we hardly have time to cultivate the real causes of happiness and peace. As Lama Yeshe once said, “If we pursue enlightenment with the same enthusiasm as we pursue our hobbies, we would all be awakened in no time.”
There is also such a thing as healthy attachment in modern psychology. Healthy attachment to caregivers is very important, especially for a child, and healthy attachment to partners, friends and family also plays a big role in our happy, healthy existence. But the key is understanding their limitations. It is when you OVERestimate the happiness that these relationships can bring that all the problems arise, addictive and possessive qualities begin to appear and unhealthy consequences follow.
Therefore, in all situations, a healthy dose of wisdom is needed to understand the limitations of that happiness. You don’t have to give up all the people and things you love just to experience the illusory inner peace that I and others constantly harp on about. You just need insight into the reality of the situation.
The Buddha tried to give up all attachments by leaving his community, friends and family to meditate constantly with wise men in the forest. But eventually he discovered that this was an extreme to be avoided and that it made him weak and did not bring him any closer to enlightenment. He advised A Middle way
avoiding the extremes of austerity and poverty and the other extreme of hedonism and addiction.
The middle path is the extreme abandonment of the belief that pleasurable experiences will give you lasting satisfaction, and also the idea that giving everything away will bring you peace. In other words, the middle way is giving up attachment and aversion.
A powerful insight is to understand that your partner “can’t make you happy.” This simply means taking responsibility for your own happiness and not depending on others to provide it for you. A relationship can be a joyful partnership, but it will go downhill very quickly if you rely on the other person for your happiness or blame them for your suffering, or in other words if you experience attachment and aversion in your relationship.