Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel at Well+Good about how sex worksheets can spice up your sex life.
The purpose of sex worksheets
“And for people with partners, ‘sex worksheets can serve as a guide, making exploration possible and conversations about sex easier to approach and navigate,’ Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, sex therapist and director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City, tells Well+Good.”
Types of sex worksheets
“Probably the most ubiquitous category of sex worksheets, these free “yes, no, maybe” (YNM) lists can help just about anyone narrow down what they’re looking for in the boudoir. Organized into three different categories, this activity involves writing ‘things you’re excited about in the “yes” column, things you don’t want to do in the “no” column, and things you’re open to under the right circumstances under “maybe”,’ says Kahn.”
Getting the most out of sex worksheets
“To get the most out of the activity, Kahn suggests pleasure-seekers fill these sheets out individually when they have time to reflect on their desires, past sexual experiences, fantasies, and boundaries. ‘Going through it solo will also allow you to learn more about yourself,’ they say.”
Next steps when you’re done with your worksheet
“Once complete, you and your sexual partner(s) can link up and use the worksheet as a jumping-off point for sharing boundaries, desires, and limits in a sexual relationship. ‘It can help increase comfort in the conversation, as well as reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications by ensuring everyone is clear on what you like, don’t like, or are open to,’ says Kahn. Another huge plus? It reinforces consent and safety, ensuring clear and direct communication is part of consent, they add.”
Checking in regularly
“‘Desires, preferences, and limits can change over time for individuals and in partnerships,’ notes Kahn. With that, it’s important to remember this isn’t designed to be a one-time sheet but can be printed off and filled out again and again.”
More from G&STC director Jesse Kahn on this topic:
Recommended sex worksheets
I personally like autostraddle’s Yes No Maybe Worksheet. It can be a great worksheet and tool for exploring and communicating sexual boundaries, desires, and limits in a sexual relationship. You can go through it solo to learn more about yourself and have prompts for what feels like a Yes (things they’re excited about), No (things they don’t want to do), or Maybe (things they’re open to under the right circumstances), and/or it can also be a great worksheet to go through with a sexual partner!
The benefits of a Yes/No/Maybe list
Some of the biggest benefits of using a Yes/No/Maybe list is that it encourages curiosity, sharing, exploration and open communication. So many people struggle to talk about desires and limits, so having a worksheet as a guide can help make it easier to approach and navigate. Sometimes people aren’t sure how they feel about certain experiences until they talk through them, and a maybe category provides room for curiosity without commitment. It can also help reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications by ensuring everyone is clear on what you like, don’t like, or are open to. Another huge plus is that it reinforces consent and safety, making sure that clear and direct communication is part of consent.
It’s a guide, not a rulebook
Ultimately, a Yes/No/Maybe list is a guide, not a rulebook. My recommendation is to approach it with curiosity, honesty, and mutual respect.