When was the last time you asked your partner what sex meant to them?
Taking time to explore what sex means within a relationship can be a great way to foster closeness, but it can also be a good exercise to understand how your partner sees and understands sex in their life.
To help get the ball rolling, we’ve gathered 4 resources from our blog to help you get curious about what sex means for you, for your partner, and within your relationship.
Understand the obstacles they face:
We live in a cisheterosexist culture–the default cultural assumption is that everyone is cis and straight, and anyone who isn’t is already facing an uphill battle in understanding themselves by having to wade through these assumptions and find their true desires beneath them.
But those aren’t the only obstacles that make understanding ourselves, our genders, and our sexuality difficult. And while we may spend time reflecting on what this means for us, it’s important that we consider the obstacles our partners have faced as well. Making space for what they’ve experienced in developing or coming to understand their own sexuality can deepen your connection and help you strengthen intimacy between you.
Read: 3 Common Obstacles to Understanding Sexuality
Learn about how they experience arousal:
We all experience arousal differently from one another. Regardless of whether we’re in a monogamous long-term relationship, casually dating, or polyamorous, the way you experience arousal will be unique to you. We’re able to notice things about our own experience with arousal just by contrast to someone else’s, which can help us connect with parts of ourselves we may have overlooked. Understanding different arousal experiences also helps us become more empathetic partners, and gives us opportunities in our relationship for intimate and intentional communication.
So why are arousal experiences so varied? And what can you do to help overcome any obstacles those differences may present in your relationships?
Read: Understanding Different Experiences of Arousal
Expand your idea of sex:
Many of us are taught that the goal of sex is to have an orgasm. But many of us also enjoy other aspects of sex just as much, if not more than actually having an orgasm. Do you know what your partner enjoys most when you have sex? It could be having an orgasm, but it could be kissing, or dirty talk, or something else completely. Knowing what you and your partner enjoy the most can help take the pressure off of having sex by removing the “goal” and making it purely about feeling good together–even if that means just making out for a bit!
Read: Exploring What Sex Means Within Your Relationship
Incorporate Safe Words:
If you’re planning on making changes to your sex life, safe words are a great thing to incorporate. Even if you don’t plan on participating in any kink play, safe words help keep everyone feeling good & safe and able to easily communicate their needs.
Read: Safe Words: What You Need to Know
All of these posts are recommended reading to use as a jumping off point before starting conversations with your partner. As you read them take note of what feels most relevant to you and your relationship–what do you most want to discuss with your partner? What are questions you’re curious about? While these posts can be a great place to start, the best work is done in the coming together with your partner. If it’s easier, ask your partner to read them as well and you can come together to talk about what stuck out to you!
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