It’s inevitable – long-term partners are gonna get bored. Maybe it’s the conversation, your daily routine or the same old weekend plans. At some point, sex might also morph into a yawn-apalooza.
Being with a long-term partner can mean a lifetime of love, connectedness, commitment and care. And contrary to popular belief, it can also be sexually fulfilling throughout your years together. But you can essentially kiss that likelihood goodbye if you don’t change things up every now and again. It doesn’t mean you have to abandon everything you like, but if you don’t give your sex life a good long stare at least somewhat regularly, the temperature is sure to drop.
Maybe you’re tired of the same ol’ same ol’ in the sack, and you already know that successful and happy long-termers require novelty. Perhaps you purchased some new toys, picked out lingerie, tried lighting candles, suggested porn or cosplay or any number of methods to pull you out of your collective rut. But your partner just isn’t willing to change. They say it’s not necessary, they’re too tired, it costs too much money, they like things just the way they are, etc. etc. etc.
What are you to do? You can’t go this alone (um, I mean, yes, you could, and you should! But we’re not talking about solely going solo here). You’re thinking that it sure would be nice to not only discover new things together but to celebrate a resurrection of your intimacy! This is a tough spot to be in, but it’s not at all insurmountable.
Before you invest in yet another slutty nurse costume or turn your coat closet into a sex dungeon – stop and communicate with your partner. Timing is important – don’t have this conversation at night when you’re both exhausted from the day or when one of you initiates sex, only to have it turn into a giant disappointment. Use “I” statements, promise not to interrupt each other, and really listen to your partner’s concerns. It’s quite possible that they’re just generally uncomfortable with change, or maybe they fear rejection of their desires. There could even be a physical limitation or health issue at play. So there simply can’t be much progress without communication. At least not in a way that satisfies you both. Also, bear in mind that novelty in other areas of your coupledom can absolutely translate into upgraded intimacy.
If you feel stuck sexually or interpersonally or both, we can help! Our experts will be able to guide you – just contact us and we’ll arrange a free 10-minute consult call that can help facilitate more romance, stronger communication and better sex all around! We also have a few resources you may find helpful. Don’t give up!