Dear Aging Gracefully,
Kudos to you for asking this question! So much of American culture is focused on how to look like you aren’t aging; it can be difficult and disheartening to find support for ways to acknowledge our aging and changing bodies, and still feel good about ourselves.
As a starting point, I think it’s important to understand how you’ve related to your body historically, before you noticed the places that are starting to sag, wrinkle, or…expand. Are you a person who generally enjoys and feels good about your body? Do you enjoy physical activity? Do you strut your stuff when you get a new outfit, and want to show it off? Or maybe you’ve always been ambivalent about your physical self and haven’t really engaged much with your body in your younger years. You could also be someone who has never felt good about themselves, physically.
Whatever your reference point is, that’s where I would start. And I would suggest focusing more on how you feel and less on how you look. If you’ve always enjoyed physical activity then great! Keep doing that. If you’re more of a bookworm or couch potato, now is a good time to incorporate more movement into your routine. It doesn’t have to be anything strenuous, although engaging in weight training has been proven to be extremely beneficial to folks as we age, and some folks run their first marathon in their 50’s!
My point is, regardless of how you might be starting to look different, if you can feel proud of what you’re able to do physically, you’ll feel better about how you look. Building strength is a great way to do this because regardless of where you start, you can always get stronger.
Another suggestion is to get out of your comfort zone. For many of us, aging means slowing down, even when we are still physically capable of engaging in a lot of movement. Take an inventory of your activity level and level of social engagement, and see if there are opportunities for improvement. This doesn’t mean you need to start hosting weekly dinners or going out dancing on weekends, but make sure that you’re staying connected to people you feel close to, ideally in person. I know this might not seem directly connected to feeling good about your body, but the better you feel overall, the easier it will be to feel good about how you look.
My final thought is this – go out and flirt! If you’re in a relationship, find ways to flirt with your partner(s), ideally in public, since that adds another dimension to the experience. If you’re not in a relationship, practice flirting in low-stakes situations (at a coffee shop, the grocery store, at a bar). A lot of people feel they’re “bad” at flirting, which might be true but doesn’t really matter! Flirting requires a certain level of confidence, so even if you’re not quite there, practicing flirting will help. Try to remember that the goal of this exercise is the flirting itself, not anything that comes after. It’s about connecting better to yourself, and the flirting is the means toward that end, not starting a relationship or jumping into bed with someone (although those can be great as well!).
Warmly,
A Queer Therapist