Check out G&STC’s Director Jesse Kahn talking with Gabrielle Kassel and Amelia McBride at Well + Good about sad nipple syndrome.
What is sad nipple syndrome?
“‘Sad nipple syndrome describes when someone experiences intense, usually negative emotion when their nipples are touched,’ explains Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, a queer sex therapist and director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. The emotions associated with sad nipple syndrome can range from sadness to depression, irritation to anger, embarrassment to shame, they say. And almost any kind of touch can trigger the wash of emotion. ‘It can result from physical touch from one’s partner or one’s self, during breastfeeding, or in response to temperature change, or even from the wind blowing or clothing touching one’s nipples.’”
It can be sexual or nonsexual
“Notably, not all people experience sad nipple syndrome in response to the same stimuli. For some, the feeling comes about randomly and suddenly and can be brought on by nonsexual nipple contact, says Kahn. For others, it’s primarily nipple play in a sexual setting that sparks feelings of unease.”
Sad nipple syndrome vs. gender dysphoria
“Sad nipple syndrome and gender dysphoria are different, says Kahn, but both can lead to feelings of sadness. The difference? When an individual has sad nipple syndrome, it’s tied to touch, not to their identity or sense of self. Gender dysphoria, on the other hand, describes a disconnect between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender. “It’s about a deep discomfort in connection to one’s identity and body,” they say.
Nipple stimulation is one of the things that could trigger gender dysphoria—for instance, if a person has a non-flat chest and wants one. However, several other touches, thoughts, or experiences (i.e. being misgendered, getting called your dead name, seeing photos of yourself) can trigger those distressing feelings, too, explains. All in all, while SND and GD aren’t inherently linked ‘they can look and feel pretty similar to the person experiencing the distress,’ says Kahn.”
Understanding triggers
“Are your nipples saddest when your stress levels are highest? Does the condition come and go based on where you are in your cycle? Is breastfeeding the underlying cause? Khan suggests keeping a mental (or physical) log of all of this info. ‘This can allow you to anticipate and manage your emotional response and engage or avoid touch that doesn’t feel good to you,’ they say.”
Minimizing discomfort
“Does the brush of your blouse against your breasts make you blue? If your nipples are this sensitive, Kahn suggests ‘wearing clothing that minimizes friction and contact.’”
Read the full article here.
More from G&STC Director Jesse Kahn on this topic:
What you can do if you’re experiencing sad nipple syndrome
Start by understanding your triggers, this can allow you to anticipate and manage your emotional response and engage or avoid touch that doesn’t feel good to you.
Practice meditation and relaxation techniques to help you cope and manage the distressing feelings if and when they do come up.
Adjust what you’re doing, whether that includes not having nipple stimulation, changing positions to reduce stimulation, or wearing clothing that minimizes friction and contact.
Communicate with your sexual partner(s) about what you do and don’t like, so they don’t accidentally activate distressing feelings.
Practice Self Compassion, including being kind to yourself, not invalidating what you’re experiencing and allow yourself to feel what you feel without judgment and self criticism.