Dear Living in Fear,
This might be an unusual way to start off an advice column, but I think it needs to be said: you have every reason to be struggling right now. While it’s true that the world has never been a particularly safe place for trans people, it’s also true that until the rise of the MAGA right, it had been becoming safer–legal protections were expanding, societal norms were shifting, and many (but certainly not all) trans people were able to live their lives absent a constant state of hyper vigilance.
But since January 20, 2025, any semblance of increased safety for trans people has been unraveling at lightning speed. So yeah, anxiety and fear, that makes total sense. But your question is how to manage it, and that’s exactly the right question. I won’t gaslight you and tell you that you shouldn’t feel scared and anxious because you absolutely should. But you don’t have to feel that way all the time.
The most important thing any of us can do when we’re feeling anxious or afraid is to realize that we are not, and do not have to be, alone.
I don’t mean that you should find other people to sit around and feel scared and anxious with, but I mean that you find other people to be with who make you feel safe, or comfortable, or powerful, or loved, or cared for. Or people you find funny, or hell, even people you find boring or even annoying. Basically anyone who makes you feel something other than scared or anxious. The point is that your nervous system needs a break from feeling scared and anxious, and isolation + fear + anxiety = disaster, so being around other people who also make you feel anything other than those two things is a winning strategy.
My next suggestion is to find something that brings you comfort.
This can be something as small as a daily ritual of drinking tea, or taking a hot bath, or snuggling with a beloved fur baby. Or it can be something bigger like a daily phone call with a friend or family member, writing in a journal, meditation, a yoga practice, or knitting. Again, the idea here is to give your nervous system a chance to settle and reset, to take a break from the activated state that it’s been holding with all the fear and anxiety of the world.
My third suggestion is the one that people struggle with the most–either stay off of, or drastically reduce, your consumption of news and social media.
Before you argue with me about this one, hear me out. If all you’re watching are funny cat videos then great, keep at it. But if you’re consuming news because you feel like you need to stay informed about what’s happening I ask you, why? What has it done for you thus far, other than fuel your anxiety? Has being informed about all of the awful things happening actually influenced any decisions you’ve made about your life over the last 9 months? If so, then by all means, keep consuming the news and try to keep some boundaries around it (don’t look at anything the first 1-2 hours when you wake up or before you go to bed). But if not, try a detox for a few days and see how it feels. You don’t have to swear off of it forever, but give yourself permission to take a break. God knows it will be there when you come back.
My fourth and final suggestion is two-fold: find purpose and find joy.
They might be the same thing, they might not be. Some people are lucky and find both purpose and joy in work they are paid to do. Some find one or the other in paid work, and one or the other in a hobby, or a volunteer gig. It really doesn’t matter where you find it, but it matters that you do find it, both of them. It’s okay if the thing that brings you joy is totally selfish or trivial. It can be singing in the shower, or learning how to make flower arrangements. The way you find purpose doesn’t have to be something that changes the world. It just needs to be something that has meaning for you and for at least one other person at that moment. That’s it. It can be the same thing every day or change every day, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re showing up for yourself and for someone else.
I’ll end by saying this – I’m not trying to suggest that by drinking tea and doing yoga and staying off social media and finding joy that you won’t be scared and anxious about what a horrific transphobic dumpster fire the US has become. What I’m saying is, the only way through this time is by stringing together a series of moments that focus your mind, body and spirit on other things. You can do this. We can do this. Together.
Warmly,
A Queer Therapist